Dear Professor Blackstone,

I am Toh Wei Jie from the effective communication class group 1, and I am writing this email to formally introduce myself. I have graduated in Ngee Ann Polytechnic with a diploma in Hotel and Leisure Facilities Management. Because I have chosen to embark on a career in the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF), communication skills are essential for me to communicate with my colleagues well.

I am a good listener and I think that it contributes to my communication skills. For example, in order to hold a strong conversation, it is important that I put in the effort to listen and understand what the other party is saying so that I could give my opinion to it. If I do not give my attention to the other party, it would pose a disrespectful image and eventually made the conversation experience a bad one. 

I do not have a strong grammar which pose a disadvantage for me when I communicate with others. Sometimes, I could not structure a sentence properly to express my thoughts for other people to understand. 

 I come from a Chinese speaking oriented family so I have no trouble of relaying the ideas that I want to express to other people when I speak in Mandarin. Through this experience, I realize that one of the ways to improve my English communicating skill is to speak and read more. I started to pick up habits like reading news daily. I could improve my writing by learning the methods of how the writers write to transmit the information for the reader to understand.

One of the goals that I want to achieve is for me to be proficient in forming proper sentences when I speak to other people. Another goal is that I want to improve the way of how I transmit my idea, allowing others to better understand.

Thank you for your time to read this email and I look forward to the upcoming lessons to learn more about effective communication skill.

Best regards,

Toh Wei Jie 
SIE2016 Group 1

 Last edit: 21 September 2017

 Gave comments to the following blogs:
- Zi Rui
- Toh Shu Han
- Lewis Tan

Comments

  1. Unknown12 September 2017 at 07:17

    Hi Wei Jie,

    I think that your blog post is well written and concise. By providing solid examples and also analytical reflections, I am able to better understand your strengths and weaknesses. I believe by maintaining your positive attitude, you will be able to achieve your goals in no time.

    However, I found a small mistakes on your last paragraph.

    For example,
    "Another goal is that I want to transmit my idea to other people easily. for their better understanding."
    I have noticed that there is a "." in between your sentence. Perhaps you can change it to "Another goal is that I want to transmit my idea easily, allowing others to better understand it." or you can remove the full stop :D

    Other than the "." error, your post is well written. Continue giving your best!

    Cheers,
    Zi Rui

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hong Yu16 September 2017 at 22:19

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hong Yu16 September 2017 at 22:21

      Hi Wei Jie

      Below are some of the errors which I have found out from your blog post. Do feel free to correct me if there are any mistakes.

      1. Paragraph 1 line 2
      "I had chosen to embark my career in the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) as such..." As you choose to join the SAF before you come into university, the action of your choice is something that you have done in the past and will continue in the future after you graduate, you should use present perfect tense i.e. I have chosen instead of I had chosen. In addition, "embark on my career" is correct. You are missing the preposition 'on'.

      2. Paragraph 3 line 1
      "I do not have a strong grammar which imposes a disadvantage for me..." impose is a wrong word to be use here. Impose, by definition, is to establish or apply by authority, by force. Your weakness in grammar makes you at a disadvantage is not impose by authority. The correct word should be pose. Pose means to affect a certain attribute e.g a problem.

      3. Paragraph 3 line 2
      "Sometimes, I could not structure a sentence properly to imply what I had in my mind. Eventually, I could not express the idea that I had in my mind well enough for other people to understand." You are talking about the same point in these two sentence, I feel that you can combined the two sentences i.e. Sometimes, I could not structure a sentence properly to express my thoughts for people to understand.

      4. Paragraph 4 line 1
      "I came from a Chinese speaking oriented family..." Tense error here. You should use 'come' instead because you are still speaking mandarin at home and it will continue in the future.

      5. Paragraph 5 line 1
      "One of the goals that I want to achieve is for me to be proficient in forming proper sentences..." the two words "for me" is redundant.

      Overall, your blog post is concise and probably you may like to use more synonyms for various words such as "express", "speak" etc which will make your blog more interesting to read.

      Good job!

      Regards
      Hong Yu (Group 5)

      Delete
  3. Brad Blackstone19 September 2017 at 23:32

    Dear Wie Jie,

    Thank you for this formal letter. You present a fairly detailed portrait of your background, though when you mention SAF, it isn't clear to me whether you are referring to a chosen career path or an NS experience. You are more specific in terms of the explanation you give for your communication strength and weakness, and your goals, especially those specific to written communication, are clear enough. We can get started on addressing that right away.

    In terms of language use and the organization of ideas, here are a number of issues to consider:

    1) I had chosen to embark my career in the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) as such communication skill is essential for me so that I could communicate with my colleagues well. >>> (verb tense/phrasing?
    >>>
    Because I chose to embark on a career in the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF), communication skills are essential for me so that I can communicate with my colleagues well.

    2) This gives me an advantage of my learning as I could express my ideas to other people for their reference. >>> (phrasing/verb tense)
    This gives me an advantage IN my learning as I CAN express my ideas to other people for their reference.

    3) I am an outspoken person. This gives me an advantage of my learning as I could express my ideas to other people for their reference. For example, when I express my ideas during a discussion, I can learn from other people's comment about my ideas. Ultimately, it improves my critical thinking. >>> (poor paragraph structure: What is the main topic of the paragraph? What are the key supports? You provide an example of something, but it is not an example of what precedes it.)

    4) This gives me an advantage of my learning as I could express my ideas to other people for their reference. >>> (verb tense) ?

    5) Not only I could be aware of the world issues but also I am able to see how the writers write their paper in a way to transmit information to the reader. >>> (sentence structure/verb tense) ?

    I appreciate your effort and the positive work spirit I can see that you have.

    Best regards,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete

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